I feel calmer..

Tonight I am on my second plane ride, all by myself. It may sound like small potatoes, but I am sort of afraid to fly and I’ve never gone alone until now. I am sitting here in the same khakis pants I used to wear as my high school uniform. It’s weird, I never thought when I was sitting wearing these pants in my algebra class that I’d be living in Florida 2 years from then. When I went home, I was really proud of that, proud of how far I’ve come.

I live in a valley, when you look up it feels like you are in a snow globe, because you are enclosed by mountains. Some people in the area, act like they are trapped in that snow globe, they have no interest in getting out. Even though leaving my family is hard, I know getting out is good. I know I will always be let back into the little snow globe I call home, but it is important for me to explore the world and my different paths in life.

In my early blog posts I wrote how I wanted Florida to change me, I wanted it to teach me about myself. I learned during this trip home that it did. My best friend told me that I’d changed; he described me as seeming ‘calm’. He said and I quote “you are like the hyperactive puppy that turned into the dog you always wanted” haha!  I like that he described me as calm, because I feel calmer. Before I left I was a mix of all the things I thought I was, and what I wanted to be. Now I returned as someone sure of what made me, me and what I wanted to do with it. I needed to get away from those who were feeding me what I was, to see who I am.

So thanks Florida, I owe ya. Airplaneskyscape

When venturing out of your comfort zone, you never know what you’ll find.

For me, I am learning how to trust. Sometimes being so far away from everything I’ve ever known, I feel stranded. What I find interesting, is that with this feeling I am not scared, I am calm. There is an underlying sense that everything is going to be ‘ok’, because it has to be. With the distance between me and familiarity, I understand that I cannot control things. As much as I’d like to mold everything that happens in my life, I can’t. All I can do is hope that some force greater than myself will sculpt something beautiful for me, my life, and everyone I care about.

My advice: Don’t try to control anything, nothing can be controlled. We do not have that power. Life is different, when we stop controlling.